February 22th 2015.

I just went through some old photos and realised how much I miss the good old days. Well it's not like life is bad right now, life's been great lately it's just some people aren't the part of it anymore.
It's just well you know, we used to be so close... the eight of us. Don't you miss it? We used to hang in my house from like 12pm and chill, took some crazy photos, dance like nobody's watching, do some weird stuffs, laugh until we cry :(
haha lol I'm so emotional right now but seriously I miss it. Well I'm glad I have axel and some other great friends but honestly, no one really gets me like you guys did. We got each other backs, remember?
Dissapointing isn't it? People that you thought will be there forever just leave and now we're like strangers. Losing your bestfriend is way more heartbreaking than losing your boyfriend.
But I guess it's true what they said, people do change as time goes by. And there's just nothing I can do..

Oh and one more, thank you so much axel for putting so much effort, for not giving up on me because I know I can be a pain in the ass sometimes, for showering me with so much love, I feel so blessed.

Late Night Thoughts

Have I ever tell you that,

         Your eyes; those pair of brown eyes. Are the sweetest that I've ever seen.

         How rain always reminds me of your warm arms.

         The smell of your skin still linger in my jacket.

         And the sound of your voice are the most beautiful harmony.

People can tell that I'm in love, you can tell that I'm in love.

And I will never deny it. I am in love.

In love.

With.

You. (I've said it a thousand times and I hope you won't forget it.)

   Truth is, I am terrified.

   You give me the sense of permanence and I don't know.

    I just don't know how to get through the day when you're no longer here.

    Lord I beg you not to take this blessing from me.

Because I am, you.

I am vice and you are my versa.

I can feel you in my blood.

And just like you said the night before,

     

  We Are

        //i n f i n i t e//

-

These are the things I said, things I didn't say, and things that I don't have enough guts to say.


Well first things first; he loves me when I am a still day, he loves me when I was a hurricane.
Who doesn't want to have someone that sees our scars and kiss the pain away?
I can't even put it into words. All I know is that, I've never felt like this before.
He keeps me from falling apart, it's been so long since everything has felt this right.
If you're reading this, I know I've said it before and I said it every single day
I love you.
I love you with every inch of my soul.

"Will you stay with me, my love? For another day..."

I am sorry for the things I've said, things I've done, I swear I never meant to hurt you.
But, please just stay.
I got caught in your eyes, lost in your beautiful thoughts and found home in your arms.
I am mesmerised by the way you say my name.
You never left my mind, you're always there.

I miss you every time you're not by my side.
I miss your warm hugs, your kiss, your voice, everything.
and
I am sorry, for sometimes the things you said might've hurt me.
Sometimes you are too complicated to understand.
There are things you did, that really did hurt me.
But it's okay, I know you never meant it.

You complete me, just like you said that I complete you.
I love your cracked imperfection.
We complete each other and be imperfect together.
Stay with me, my love.
And hear me, I will never leave.
Just like we said, forever and always.

9th May 2014.

why can't something be forever?

i kept asking myself that question over and over again
"some people come, some people go. but most of them go."
that's what they said. I'm tired of people saying that kind of things.
i just want something to last. i just want you to stay.

Maybe i wasn't good enough. maybe i'll never be.
maybe that's why you left.

i think I'm losing myself
lost on the way?
he took my breath away the day he said goodbye
and this time, i know there will be no more hello
no more

then why did you said all those things?
why did you called me you queen? your baby? your love?
why did you called me on 3am just to say that you loved me?
why did you do that if you're just going to leave anyway?

you kept me sane, we both knows it.
you kept my ribs together
held my fragile soul
and you promised that you'd stay

but i guess these days promises are made to be broke
these days people never meant what they said
and i figured out that life is just a series of goodbyes

same shit

after being trapped in a dark tunnel for so long
i thought i finally see the light
well i THOUGHT so but then again it turned out to be another trap

but how can u resist such a beautiful light, so peaceful it helps you breath
it keeps me sane and poisoned me at the same time
maybe i was blinded by ur eyes
 god what is this crap
ok ok its ok

ok
im not ok

what am i doing
what was i thinking
to be fooled by the sweet harmonies of such innocent words
maybe i was wrong
or maybe he was wrong
maybe we were both wrong

OH FUCK.

look at you
look at your reflection in the mirror

LOOK AT ME
trembling hands, empty eyes, silenced words.
messed up hair, red stained clothes
fucked up life

she's been there, once
she promised not to do it again, ever.
but it was before he left. he left her twice. TWICE. same hellos, same goodbyes (or should i say: no goodbyes)
why why   why why w h y
he filled her empty glass, carefully putting back her pieces together
with such soft and delicate words, no one knows the devil inside them
the poison, it choked her, ripped her apart


put it back together just to tear it apart
why why  why   why why
YOU LET MY RIB CAGE OPEN
MY HEART TORN

she's drowning in her own thoughts
ocean of broken metaphors
tangled words trying to make its way home
a kiss making its way to your lips
a soft whisper into your ear saying i love you till infinity

please say to me
say to me that my bad poetry can make you come back
my clumsy hands will never let you go

Am Sorry

I just wanted to say that I am truly sorry

I'm sorry I'm not pretty like her
I'm sorry I'm not as popular as her
I'm sorry if I'm not what you wanted
I'm sorry I'm not good enough
I'm sorry for whispering your name in my dreams
I'm sorry for writing your name in my poetry
I'm sorry for wishing you upon a shooting star
I'm sorry if I'm still hoping for you to want me
I'm sorry for being sad every time you smile at her

I am sorry

I'm sorry for screaming your name in my head
I'm sorry for not giving up on you when I know I should
I'm sorry for being jealous every time you mention her name
I'm sorry for making you my everything when I'm nothing to you
I'm sorry if I was mesmerised every time you sigh


I'm sorry
I am sorry
I am truly sorry, because I love you
….too much